Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
