i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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