I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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