If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
