its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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