He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
