I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
