just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
