Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
