You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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