my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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