Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
