Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
