sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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