OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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