I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
