So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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