Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
