I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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