You work out of a Hotel?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
