i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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