i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
