You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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