So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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