this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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