I think my vagina is haunted
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
