I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
