so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
