That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize