well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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