I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
