I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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