I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
