Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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