Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
