I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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