DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
