The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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