There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
