Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
