About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
