Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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