I just gift wrapped bread.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
