we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
