It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
