I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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