i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
