Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
