Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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