we're blogging at a bar
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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