im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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