Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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