It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
