Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize