I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
