$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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