You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
