next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if only i could text you this smell
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
