Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
