He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
