so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize