she looked like the before picture.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
