youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
