direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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