i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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