I bet he comes in French.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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