i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
