peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
