here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
