my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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