so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
