Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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