it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
