From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
