I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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