Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you never un-have a 4some
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
