I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
