That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
